1. A long-simmering feud between two Toronto neighbours escalates during a dispute over a tree. One neighbour collapses and has to be taken to the hospital.
2. Scientists from Rutgers University say that global warming has caused the Antarctic to join the Arctic in the ice-melting business.
3. Race horse Eight Belles is euthanized on the track after breaking both her ankles in the Kentucky Derby.
4. Six protected sea lions are found shot dead in the Columbia River.
5. Officials in Myanmar say the cyclone death toll stands at more than 10,000.
6. French scientists have invented a robot mouth that can chew with the help of sharp teeth and taste with the help of fake saliva. Ostensibly this is to analyze the taste of food. Indeed. The taste of human flesh, more likely.
7. A worldwide National Geographic survey finds that Canada is second-last when it comes to consumers giving a shit about the environment.
8. Two men are arrested in Houston after allegedly digging up a corpse to use the skull as a bong. How would that even work? There are a lot of holes in the cranium.
9. The UN says it is suspending further aids shipments to Myanmar because the food and supplies are being seized by the military junta.
10. In the Ukraine two die and eight are injured when an unauthorized amusement park carousel jumps off its track.
11. Tornado kills at least 23 people in Missouri, Oklahoma and Georgia.
12. A toronto construction worker dies when a piece of sheet metal falls on him and slices through his hard hat.
13. Chinese state media say an estimated 18,000 people are buried in one earthquake-hit-city. The official confirmed death toll stands at 12,000.
14. A young girl carrying remote-controlled explosives walks into a command post and kills five Iraqi soldiers.
15. A Brampton man is under guard after his eleven-year-old son was found stabbed.
16. A cat chasing a mouse in Albanian capital Tirana’s main power station was the cause of a 72-hour blackout across parts of the city, the electricity company says.
17. Brush fires burn out of control in Alberta, threatening rural communities.
18. Canada loses to Russia at the world hockey championships.
19. Twenty-two Zimbabwean refugees have been killed as South African violence against foreigners takes a turn for the worse.
20. Whaling season starts for no good reason and despite a worldwide moratorium on the killing. 21. In Vienna, a man complains to a fellow subway passenger that she’s speaking too loudly on her cellphone. She promptly brings out some pepper spray, inadvertently injuring seventeen school children on the train.
22. A Canadian aid worker has been kidnapped and is being held for ransom in Haiti.
23. The death toll from the Chinese earthquake now stands at 55,000 with 25,000 still missing. In Myanmar, 134,000 are dead or missing.
24. German police say they’ve taken custody of a seven-month-old boy after his parents put him up for sale on eBay, asking one Euro.
25. A man carrying a curved, “pirate-style” sword in Macy’s in New York is arrested despite protesting that he’s a member of a kickball team whose players often dress up as pirates.
26. A Windsor man gets just 90 days for mutilating a dog by cutting off its ears.
27. Vancouver police are investigating a case in which parents may have put their baby girl up for sale on Craiglist. What is this? International Sell Your Baby On The Web Month?
28. A nineteen year old man is shot dead across the street from a Toronto school.
29. A York University student says security at Kelowna airport forced her to remove and stow a five-cm. silver Colt .45 pendant for security reasons.
30. A Japanese man who’d noticed his food disappearing set up cameras at his house and discovered that a woman was living in his wardrobe. “She seems to have lived there for about a year, but not all the time,” police say.
31. Sarah Jessica Parker, to her horror, discovers that the dress she wore to the premiere of Sex and the City has been worn in public before. By Lindsay Lohan
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